This last week has been rough. I have been irritable, my temper has flared way too many times and I've been physically e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d.
Like PMS for weeks.
Except it's not.
My kid's questions have drove me crazy, my dear husband has irritated me for no apparent reason and I've been awful at housekeeping.
Does this sound like a pity party or a hormonal facebook rant? Just stick with me a little bit longer, please. ;)
See, I've finally learned what it's all about and I'm pretty sure you'll be able to relate too. My real irritants are not the kids or my husband or my hormones or my busy schedule.
It's because I've been believing the lie that I am not enough.
Would you like to know some of the reasons I feel like I am not enough?
I struggle with my weight.
I struggle with self-control.
I struggle to feel accepted.
I have identified myself with some criticisms that have been thrown at me.
I have imagined a whole ton more criticisms that I believe those around me must surely be thinking.
Sometimes I don't like to read my Bible or pray.
Sometimes I'm lazy.
Sometimes I choose the easy way out in parenting.
So often I choose myself over my husband.
It's a long, long list. And a very pathetic one.
Are you still with me? Can you identify with any of these? We all have lists like this - your list probably looks different than mine, but they have one thing in common.
We believe them.
We have bought into the lie that our failures paint our identity.
A couple weeks ago a group of friends and I got a little giggle when a 4 year old little boy was crying because his sister told him he had to be the bad guy in their game, and he didn't want to. But he thought he had to be what she told him he was.
After we laughed a little, a very wise friend said
"Isn't that just like us though? Somebody puts a label on us and we immediately self-identify with it, and cry because we don't want that to be us."
But here's some more truth:
I am redeemed.
I am sanctified.
I am perfect in the eyes of God because I have the identity of Christ!
God made each of us with a purpose for His glory. But we have to keep looking outward.
I think one of the devil's favorite strategies must be to get us looking inward, at ourselves.
It can be pride or self-loathing or something in between, but the results are the same: chaos.
Can you drive a car if you spend all the time looking at yourself in the rear-view mirror, instead of at the big picture out your windshield?
So it is on the road of life. We must keep our eyes on Jesus and not ourselves.
There are definitely rough edges in our lives that need work. I need to learn self-control and selflessness. But not on my own - I need to let God work His perfect work in me, for His glory, in His way.
Not try to self-improve for my own image.
Because that is as futile as a fox chasing it's own tail. I will become dizzy and confused and end up going the wrong way.
Ah, I needed to preach this to myself. For real.
Take heart, dear friend, and ask God to let you see yourself through His eyes. <3
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I am on a journey to know Jesus better, and be the wife, mommy and friend that God created me to be, all within the walls of my own little home. <3