I was near tears. Shattered and broken inside at the realization I had been forced to face.
I had changed. Not the normal changes that happen when a girl becomes a wife and Mom like I talked about a while ago. No, I felt like my entire character had changed. I had become uptight, short-tempered and so emotional. I felt like everyone looked at me as a failure. There was not much joy left in my heart. When I looked at our kids I wanted to cry because I felt like I lost the precious joy in parenting. When I spent time with my husband my heart was hurting because I felt like I had failed him in just about everything. I was exhausted physically, spiritually, emotionally - even socially.
But then someone said it to my face: you're not happy anymore. Something has to change. All you ever wanted was to have a houseful of kids to love on. And now you're not happy.
Ouch. She said it's because I'm too busy, running here and there all week long. At first I agreed, but I've finally faced the truth. I wasn't happy because I wasn't letting myself be happy. Have you ever been there? You're living your dreams, but there's no peace in your mind, no joy in your heart? It's a bitter place to be. Girl, it's time to stop waiting for permission to live a joyful life! As women we can be so in tune to our fellow moms that we start playing the comparison game and playing it hard. Our minds can start thinking like this: Nobody commented on the picture of my project - the one hobby that I feel gifted at. I must have no talents. I know some friends whose houses would never be this messy. I must be a slop. "So and so" didn't talk to me today. I must've done something wrong. I wasn't invited to go out with that group of friends. They must not actually like me. Pretty soon nobody can say or do anything without us feeling offended, left out and like a complete failure. We spend our days waiting for one scrap of affirmation, feeling like someone is always looking over our shoulders. We get uptight when the kids are disobedient and emotional when the house is messy and when we aren't sure of the next step in parenting. All we want is for someone to tell us we're doing ok and we can be happy. Leaning on others for our joy.
But here's the thing - we already have permission to have a happy, joyful, peaceful heart.
From the One who really matters! "You shall go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands." {Isaiah 55:12}
Girl, let me tell you something. God made you to be you. He created you with your personality and your quirkiness and your love for certain hobbies and gifts in different areas.
He personally knit you together - every single part of you, including your personality. And He says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. That's not just a verse for babies. That's a verse for you. You don't need to keep house like your other friend. You don't need to have your hobbies recognized by everyone in your life. You don't need permission to be full of happiness and joy. Because God has already told you to be! It's a fact that our strongest points come with weaknesses that need to be worked on. But it's also a fact that those strong points are the places we are created to find joy in. If you enjoy cleaning your house more than spending the day with a friend then that's ok! Don't beat yourself up over it and don't allow it to steal your joy! If you'd rather plan a play-date at the park then fold the laundry on the couch then go for it! God created you to need and love to spend time with people. When you decide to start living life like you want to, you're going to feel the biggest load slide off your shoulders. Suddenly you won't care what someone would think of your house or how you spend your time. You won't mind that people think your life choices are crazy - because you'll be living the way you are created to live! {When I say "living life as I wanted to" I don't mean we are to live in a selfish way - but in the way God created each of us to function} Girl if the way you are living, parenting, housekeeping, working and finding joy is right before God and your husband then you don't need anyone else's permission to be happy and bubbling over with joy! You're so lovely and lovable just how God created you!
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8 Comments
Betty Bakk
4/28/2017 04:25:51 am
Beautiful sad words that turned to joy. Mothers, even 3rd time moms, find it hard to adjust. 2 wonderful children became 3 - the dynamics change. A new baby - takes so much of your time - and love. But why would you change a thing. Everyone leads such busy preoccupied lives, we don't take time to think iof others - you. Adopting a child of another race, sad to say, is still not totally accepted. I cheer for your choice - children - unless taught to see color -do not see color. I wish everyone was that way. All kind and considerate people are the same in God's eyes AND mine. Anyone who questions or criticizes your choice is not a true Christian. Yes, forgot the laundry - forget the messy house - play and find joy every day!!!!! 🙏❤️❤️
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4/28/2017 08:04:16 am
This is so good. It's true, comparison can steal our joy. And it doesn't help that we live in a society that gets offended at every little thing. We begin to look for things to be offended about. We need to turn our eyes away from everyone else, and begin to focus again on God. Thank you for sharing this, so many other women are feeling the same way. Great encouragement.
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I am on a journey to know Jesus better, and be the wife, mommy and friend that God created me to be, all within the walls of my own little home. <3
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