What is a brave Mom?

Well I can tell you that it isn't me or you. At least it isn't us on our own.

A truly brave Mom knows that the courage for the job of Motherhood does not come from within, but from without.

A brave Mom gets her courage from God. 

A brave Mom is a woman of humility who wakes  and immediately pleads with God to be her Strength and Tower of Refuge throughout the day. 

A brave Mom knows the joy of the Lord is her strength and prays for it daily.

A brave Mom sacrifices her own feelings, comfort and time for her family everyday. She does it without a thought, because she has strengthened herself in the Lord at the start of every day and makes herself rely on Him continually.

A brave Mom forces herself to combat anger and temper and run to Jesus instead of saying those nasty words.

A brave Mom knows how to tell her children "no" and use the opportunity to train their hearts instead of just their obedience because she knows they will apply this lesson to their relationship with Jesus as they grow older.

A brave Mom is not selfish, but mothers her children all day, with no thought to herself, but every thought on the future of her child and their future in Christ.

A brave Mom knows that she has not attained and makes mistakes daily.

A brave Mom knows how to humbly apologize, even to a 1 year old and always to God. 

A brave Mom turns her failures into pillars of strength in the structures of little hearts.

A brave Mom is a Mom who seeks Jesus daily, hourly and more.

 A Mom who sacrifices and trains and falls and falls and gets back up again and says:

"I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me!"

"The Joy of the Lord is my Strength!"

"I will wait for the Lord; I will be strong and courageous and wait on the Lord!"

I have not attained "Brave Mom" status yet, but I am learning that I must ask for it with every breath and like Jacob, not let go until God has blessed me with it!

What about you? Will your join me in asking for God's strength to go brave and bold with your parenting? Our futures depend on it and our God is ABLE!!

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I have been reading a lot of "weary Mom" blog posts lately. They are so good.

They are so...true. 

Mommy work is never done. Mommies are tired, because they are super-vigilant. Mommies don't hear very many {unprompted} "Thank you's"

Stay-at-home Moms don't get very much credit from the world.

Some Mommies don't get very much support from friends, parents or even their husbands. A Mommy house is often cluttered with toys, laundry and dishes. Freezer meal boxes might lay out on the counter all day. 

Exhaustion. Should I even go there? Being a Mommy is exhausting.

But the good news is: We are needed. We are loved. We are important. So important. We are shaping little lives that will shape the future. Our little tiny people we work so hard to teach and train and love are the future.

All these blogs are such a balm to my heart and soul. They give me the strength to keep going and going and going. And going.

But...I do think we are missing the point sometimes. Do you know the real reason our work is so important?

We work, not just for our husbands. Not just for our children. Not just for the future.

We work for Jesus.

Jesus said "If you give a cup of cold water in My name, you are doing it for ME." {Matthew 10:42}

The cups of water we give to our children are countless. And that is only a tiny part of being a Mommy.

Girls, every thing we do for our children, through the love of Jesus, is being done to Him.

We are serving Jesus every day of our lives, every minute of our day, when we care for our children. 

Perhaps even when we wash their faces and put lotion on soft, baby skin it is a reflection of Mary, washing Jesus' feet and anointing him with oil. Is that too radical of a statement? I don't think so. Children are so close to the heart of Jesus.

Mommies...It doesn't get any better than that. There is so much joy and purpose in this wonderful journey.

So go: give your children ever ounce of love and strength that you have today, because you are doing it for Jesus!

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I was near tears. Shattered and broken inside at the realization I had been forced to face.

I had changed. Not the normal changes that happen when a girl becomes a wife and Mom like I talked about a while ago.

No, I felt like my entire character had changed. I had become uptight, short-tempered and so emotional. I felt like everyone looked at me as a failure. There was not much joy left in my heart.

When I looked at our kids I wanted to cry because I felt like I lost the precious joy in parenting. When I spent time with my husband my heart was hurting because I felt like I had failed him in just about everything.

I was exhausted physically, spiritually, emotionally - even socially.

But then someone said it to my face: you're not happy anymore. Something has to change. All you ever wanted was to have a houseful of kids to love on. And now you're not happy.

Ouch. She said it's because I'm too busy, running here and there all week long. At first I agreed, but I've finally faced the truth.

I wasn't happy because I wasn't letting myself be happy. 

Have you ever been there?

You're living your dreams, but there's no peace in your mind, no joy in your heart? It's a bitter place to be.

Girl, it's time to stop waiting for permission to live a joyful life!

As women we can be so in tune to our fellow moms that we start playing the comparison game and playing it hard.

Our minds can start thinking like this:

Nobody commented on the picture of my project - the one hobby that I feel gifted at. I must have no talents.

I know some friends whose houses would never be this messy. I must be a slop.

"So and so" didn't talk to me today. I must've done something wrong.

I wasn't invited to go out with that group of friends. They must not actually like me.

Pretty soon nobody can say or do anything without us feeling offended, left out and like a complete failure.

We spend our days waiting for one scrap of affirmation, feeling like someone is always looking over our shoulders. We get uptight when the kids are disobedient and emotional when the house is messy and when we aren't sure of the next step in parenting.

All we want is for someone to tell us we're doing ok and we can be happy.

Leaning on others for our joy.

But here's the thing - we already have permission to have a happy, joyful, peaceful heart.

​From the One who really matters!

Girl, let me tell you something. God made you to be you. He created you with your personality and your quirkiness and your love for certain hobbies and gifts in different areas.

He personally knit you together - every single part of you, including your personality. And He says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. That's not just a verse for babies. That's a verse for you.

You don't need to keep house like your other friend. You don't need to have your hobbies recognized by everyone in your life. 

You don't need permission to be full of happiness and joy.

Because God has already told you to be! 

It's a fact that our strongest points come with weaknesses that need to be worked on. But it's also a fact that those strong points are the places we are created to find joy in. 

If you enjoy cleaning your house more than spending the day with a friend then that's ok! Don't beat yourself up over it and don't allow it to steal your joy!

If you'd rather plan a play-date at the park then fold the laundry on the couch then go for it! God created you to need and love to spend time with people.

When you decide to start living life like you want to, you're going to feel the biggest load slide off your shoulders. Suddenly you won't care what someone would think of your house or how you spend your time. You won't mind that people think your life choices are crazy - because you'll be living the way you are created to live!

{When I say "living life as I wanted to" I don't mean we are to live in a selfish way - but in the way God created each of us to function} 

Girl if the way you are living, parenting, housekeeping, working and finding joy is right before God and your husband then you don't need anyone else's permission to be happy and bubbling over with joy!

​You're so lovely and lovable just how God created you!

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"You're not who you used to be."

The words hit hard. I didn't want to be different. I had gotten used to who I was and I liked it.

Those words hurt. They came laden with insecurities that they dropped off in my heart as they danced through my head.

Any girl who's went from single to married, from free to being a parent, knows that it doesn't come without an identity crisis.

So the words hit hard.

And then they made me angry. Like, of course I'm not who I was. I'm a Mom now, hello.

The changes range from a humorous changes in conversation to soul searching, gut wrenching discoveries and the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Now, instead of asking my husband if he'd rather play Monopoly or Rummikub we look at each other and say "do you want diaper duty or bathroom duty?"

Instead of a world where I can spend the morning sleeping in if I want I have to come to grips with the reality that I am a selfish person and sometimes I resent a lot more than losing sleep.

Instead of making a decision that will effect my future I'm making dozens of decisions a day that will shape who our children become.

​I liked who I was as a young adult. The teen years came with their own struggles, but by the time I hit my 20s I felt secure. I knew who I was. I was good at what I did. 

Back then an evening of fun consisted of coaxing my friends up to the ambulance barn so I could practice getting IVs and then going to the local grocery store to buy a cake that looked like a hamburger and jamming out with the windows down all the way home. 

Time spent with friends was full of giggles, crazy dares and heartfelt talks. My opinions were strong and freely shared. I had lots of time to think them through and I knew what I believed and I reveled in what I felt.

And now...I've changed.

My soul can feel restless and I don't know who I am anymore.

Deep thoughts and feelings run through my heart and I don't know how to deal with them anymore. I feel small and inadequate.

Just another Mom.

Just another lady cruising through the grocery store with a cart full of lovely little people, trying to decide if I should buy Kraft or Annie's Macaroni and Cheese.

I look deep into my daughter's eyes and wonder if I'll be able to show her how to be a woman of worth. How to be brave and true and feminine and strong.

I kiss my little boy's hair and revel in the smell of the outside air. And I wonder if I'll be able to instill the importance of being bold and standing up for truth, the need to fight for those who need a champion infused with the strength of God.

I feed my baby girl at night and the atrocities of abortion run through my mind. And I want to cry out against it, but there's not many ways to fight, as a mom, with 3 kids in tow. So I hug her a little tighter and ask God to protect her always and thank Him for putting her in our care. 

I want to go out and do something fun with my friends but I feel like my mind might not have enough energy or the capacity to carry on an intelligent conversation at times.

Yeah...I've changed.

And even as my mind kicks against it, my heart is starting to embrace it.

Because I'm starting to realize that embracing the hard, the everyday and the mundane all together is what makes life real. 

Learning to love bigger, pray harder and fall deeper in my Savior as I realize how very inadequate I am.

Sometimes I wonder where all my big 20-year-old dreams have gone.

And then I realize I'm living them. Each and every one.

God has been so gracious to me.

Yes, I've changed. I'm not who I used to be. And it's actually a good thing.

So dear lady. If you're struggling with your identity, and don't like who you are anymore?

Stop a minute. Think about what's changed. If it's bad, then change it back again.

But, if you look carefully you might just realize - you're living exactly the life you were meant to be living. And you are becoming the person God has called you to be.

​It's ok to not be who you used to be.

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We moms get the feeling we're all alone in the trenches.
We wake at the crack of dawn (due to the natives) without one moment's peace to ourselves.

We slurp down that mug of (now cold) coffee in between refereeing squabbles and wiping sticky floors.  We quickly dash into the bathroom--bladder on red alert because HELLO--diaper changes, and mom comes last in the "basic needs" department.

We quickly dash into the bathroom--bladder on red alert because HELLO--diaper changes, and mom comes last in the "basic needs" department.

And we gaze into infinity called, The Rest Of The Day and wonder,

How will I ever make it 'til bedtime?


Which is an absurd thought, because bedtime is also a joke.  Sleep?  Who sleeps?  It's like Zombie-land 24/7--nursing babies, scared toddlers, or worse, vomit-laden sheets at 3:00AM.

Are you depressed yet?

No wonder we yell.  No wonder we flip out when a kid hollers, "MOM!  MOM!  MOM!  MOM! MOM!"  Seventy-five times in the span of five minutes.


God is nearLet me encourage you that it does pass.  The haze of the early years sweeps by, and you finally get to sleep (somewhat).  Phases change like the tide, some gentler than others.You're in survival mode much of the time.  But while you're surviving, remember this:
Yet He is actually not far from each one of us, for 'In Him we live and move and have our being' ~Acts 17:27b-28a, ESV

God has appointed your days.  And not as One Who is far off.

But as One who is near.  He is here with you, even in the middle of your laundry pile (of possibly chunky bed sheets).

You can call on a God who is near anytime.  This is what He desires of you.
​
And He hears.

I realize this now, as a mom of four who went through all the above and more.
Having reached the other side of motherhood (the one where kids leave home), I look back now and realize He heard every one of my desperate prayers.

And He answered every one.

If you hear silence, please don't give up.  Faith is believing, even in the dark.
​
God has hope for you!  He wants you to call out to Him, but He also wants you to recognize His gifts and His presence.

Your children are His gifts, and their very presence is reason enough to know that He has placed them in your life for this season, right now, not only for nurturing, but also for your growing pains.

Practical help

I know what it's like to feel guilty about not spending time with the Lord. And I also know what it's like to be dissatisfied and become short with my people.

Every mom seeks the elusive Golden Key to Balance.  Daily, inner battles wage as we second-guess discipline, housework, and meal selections.  We juggle careers, interpersonal relationships, and self-care.  The frequent question, “How to get it all done?” lurks in the back of our minds.

In our quest for balance, we often lose sight of God’s perspective. 

​Jesus’ words to frazzled Martha apply to the modern-day wife and mother:
“Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary.  Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”(Luke 10:41, ESV)

But what if you could spend just 5, 10, or 15 minutes a day, developing responses for when your day goes south?

What if you could deepen your walk with Christ while taming your frustration levels?

Dear young mama, YOU CAN! And it's not hard.

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Unless you're literally married to Jesus, which you aren't, it's happened. You're husband has made mistakes. Mine too. Sometimes you disagree. You think he's making the wrong choice.
​
I'm not talking about choosing the wrong restaurant. What's a gal to do when the hubby says,

"We're moving."

"Our family needs this." or

"I'm quitting this job."?

​​You know, those big ones. Even something small can seem huge when our emotions are tied to the issue. My husband Nic and I have run into some tough ones. Deciding whether or not to move across the county or across the world, drastic job changes, purchasing homes and changing our entire lifestyle.

Other women I love have struggled too. They've wondered whether their husbands were running them into debt, keeping them safe or even just trying to drive them crazy!!
So what is a girl to do? Well, we can gently and lovingly share our concerns. But what about when his mind is set?

I have to tell myself one word; a name actually. Sarah.

Sarah was there. She experienced this. Her husband gathered up their whole family and left home with no plan, wandered around the desert listening for direction from God and even gave the fertile land away. Then, when their travels lead them through foreign kingdoms, he was afraid the rulers would want his wife. He instructed her to say she was his sister.

Guess what?! He was right! They did want her! She must have been a good looking lady!
So what?! Maybe you're thinking, "Right or wrong she would have had to obey back in those days!"

But here's the thing. She is the one the New Testament tells us to be like. She obeyed her own husband. And do you know what happened? God took care of her.

God took care of Sarah. And He's taking care of you.

​Let me ask you this. Say your husband is making a decision you think is a poor choice. What mistake is too big for God's grace to cover?

When God gave man a wife, he made it clear that we as women are beautiful, valuable people in their lives. We have characteristics that are helpful to our husbands, including wisdom. But we are also not their Holy Spirit.

It's so difficult when we're in the situation, but it's not our job to make sure he does the right thing. It is our job to make sure that we do the right thing.

You see, when we fix our eyes on Christ (He's got ya covered!) and press on in faith, it gives us more hope - not less! We can walk through life, not necessarily with ease, but with confident peace. (Romans 5:1-5)

So the next time you're pulling your hair out wondering, "What's a girl to do?"

Sarah.
​
Trust that God's grace is big enough and go stand by that hubby of yours! With confidence, not in him, but in Christ; you can be the loving (& respectful) lady he needs!

Elli
Harda Farm

Hey friends! Today I get to introduce you to another wonderful friend of mine and a great blogger with a heart after truth! I met Elli at my daughter's ballet class and immediately knew we could be good friends. Then we discovered we both love to write and that was that. She has become an inspiration to me, and I always look forward to talking with her and another dear Mommy friend while we wait on our girls at dance.

When we brought baby sister home, Elli offered to write a guest post for me while our family works on adjusting to all the changes a baby brings. So, without further ado, meet Elli.

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There was a time when the determined {aka: stubborn} part of me insisted that I set New Year resolutions. There was a time when that same determined me could control my diet anyway I chose. I could simply do about anything that I set my mind to.

And then I got married and had 2 kids all within 3 years. In the midst of the hustle and bustle of life I lost my determination in personal goals. I was juggling marriage, kids, sickness and just plain exhaustion. 

The thought of New Year resolutions made me feel guilty, because I knew I wouldn't keep them. So many goals seemed out of reach. Life felt like a race, and while I tried to stay intentional with my marriage and parenting, personal achievements, reaching out for new levels in life, and bettering myself all took the back burner. So I joined the "New Year resolutions are silly" crowd. It made me feel better about myself, you know?

I have recently come to realize that neither the stubborn resolution keeping or the "just do what I can, when I can, if I can" attitude are right.

Because they are self centered. 

My stubborn attitude focused on what I could do. On my own. By myself. For my glory.

My lazy, overwhelmed attitude also focused on myself. On my comfort. On my feelings.

  I forgot that my life is supposed to be centered around God and His glory. When I achieve something it should be to the glory of God, not the glory of my own stubborn pride.

And when I let my goals slide, when I quit pursuing weight loss, social media control, keeping the house organized {anything that requires discipline} then I am also living life in my own strength and being defeated in it.

But our God, in His graciousness, has not left us in the struggle. He has given us something so precious, so strong and so useable.

It's called Grace.

Is that the word you were expecting? It's a new concept to me, too! Too often we think of Grace as only a covering agent. Our sins our covered up by the grace of God, right? But Grace is so much more. It is full of the power of God, ready to give us the strength we need for any circumstance.

If you're like me, the idea of applying grace to your life in order to accomplish something can be a little hard to master at first. I do best when I can write my goals and strategies down to be analyzed and acted on.

And this is why I am so excited to introduce an amazing resource that a friend of mine, a woman with a passion for God, has created.

Arabah Joy has compiled a PDF containing 5 mini-workshops that will take you through the process of:
▪ Setting practical, godly goals
▪ Developing a doable, personal plan for change
▪ Learning why grace is the enablement you need
▪ Recognizing and appropriating grace in your daily life
▪ Much more

Best of all, the hard work is done for you! This 48-page PDF will walk you through the entire process.
BONUS: If you grab Grace Goals before Dec 23, you’ll automatically receive an invite to the LIVE group workshop the week of Dec 26-31. During this live workshop, we will have a short devotional, share our goals, pray together, and have a time of sharing and Q&A.
I hope to see you there! Simply grab Grace Goals here.
I would also like to offer a little something special to you, my readers. If you purchase Grace Goals, email your invoice to stefani@wallsofhome.com and I will send you a link to download and print one of the the 8x10 sign below.​ {Your choice!}

Are you ready to start this new year washed afresh in the grace of Jesus? I would love to hear about it! Send a message or leave a comment! And hey...if you do get Grace Goals and join the facebook group, let me know? I'd love to meet you there! <3

God's richest blessings to you in this New Year and beyond, dear friends!

This post contains affiliate links, which means that I will get a small commission if you purchase Grace Goals through my link. It does not add any extra to your cost and helps support my blog a little. :) You can read my full disclosure here.

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One of the greatest joys of Christmas is the delight of a child discovering it. The Christmas season has always been my favorite and as our kids get older I am thoroughly educating them in all the joys it brings!

But I have discovered that it takes no work at all for them to immediately fall in love with all the gift getting and miss the joy and wonder of Jesus' birth.

In fact, if we don't make sure our kids know the real reason behind the season they will default to the selfish side. 

It's human nature, people. And we actually have to fight it.

​Christmas is one of the most beautiful holidays and the devil is out to destroy it's meaning, hide the story and trick us into thinking it's all about Holiday spirit and nothing else.

So this year we are going all out...

on the intentional side of things.

It takes work. And thought. And research. And maybe even a little bit of stubbornness. Or maybe we should say "determination."

We need to remember how important God considers it for us to teach our children about Him:

These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. " {Deuteronomy 6:6-7}
​
I know how busy this time of year can be for everyone so I want to just share all of my discoveries and research - hopefully it'll help simplify things a bit for you! <3

So let's get started!

Holiday Traditions

I have thought the Elf on the Shelf is a cute tradition for a long time, but was always a little afraid it would encourage the entitlement issues we're trying to stay away from. So this year I was delighted to find The Shepherd's Treasure.

Christmas Movies

We are very picky about the movies our kids watch and Christmas is no exception! I like to make sure any Christmas themed movies the kids watch are focused on Jesus and the joy of giving rather than Santa Claus and receiving. 

We are big Veggie Tales fans around here, so the bulk of their Christmas movies have Bob & Larry center stage.

Here's a few favorites:

The Story of St. Nicholas {their favorite!}

It's a Meaningful Life {The Veggie Tale version of"It's A Wonderful Life"- very good. And it has football. Which makes it great for family movie night. ;)}

The Little Drummer Boy {A Veggie Christmas story about forgiveness and baby Jesus}

A Fruitcake Christmas {Hermie & Friends by Max Lucado}

The Jesus Series - Christmas: Read & Share Bible DVD {Our kids LOVE the Read and Share Bible DVDs. The are simple and accurate, which can be hard to find. We don't actually have this one, but everything else I've seen by them is good so I'm going to be adding this to my shopping list!}

And then, as if there isn't enough great Christmas movies out there, I created a YouTube Playlist of  Kid's Christmas songs. {That's a mouthful!} Our kids have been loving it! So far there's just music videos on it. It's been a really great thing to turn on right after they wake up from their naps and just want to cuddle for a while. I'll be adding more songs and videos as I find them!

Christmas Books

There's not very many things as cozy as sitting down and reading stories together. You can create so many memories with your kids by reading with them!

Kid's Christmas books are some of my favorites. The stories are always charming and the books are usually high quality and beautiful! Here's a few of my favorites:

The Legend of the Candy Cane
One dark and stormy night, a stranger came to town. All the children in the little pioneer town hoped with all their might that he would open a candy shop - and when he did, he had a story to tell.

The Christmas Miracle of Jonathan Toomey
The widow and her son had a simple request - would Jonathan Toomey {who was the best wood carver in the valley} recreate the beautiful nativity set they had lost during their journey west? But Jonathan Toomey was grumpy, unkempt and rude. Would their nativity set get done in time?

Jacob's Gift 
The rabbi give all of his young pupils a wood working assignment. And his nephew Joseph was going to come look them over when he came to town! This sweet story by Max Lucado give a different twist to the Christmas story - through the eyes of a young boy from Bethlehem.

The Crippled Lamb
Poor little Joshua the lamb never felt so alone and left out as he did the day all the other sheep went across the hills with the shepherds and he was left at home because of his crippled leg. But when he went to the stable with his best friend Abigail the cow there was a great surprise waiting for him!