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This last week has been rough. I have been irritable, my temper has flared way too many times and I've been physically e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d. Like PMS for weeks. Except it's not. My kid's questions have drove me crazy, my dear husband has irritated me for no apparent reason and I've been awful at housekeeping. Does this sound like a pity party or a hormonal facebook rant? Just stick with me a little bit longer, please. ;) See, I've finally learned what it's all about and I'm pretty sure you'll be able to relate too. My real irritants are not the kids or my husband or my hormones or my busy schedule. It's because I've been believing the lie that I am not enough.  Would you like to know some of the reasons I feel like I am not enough? I struggle with my weight. I struggle with self-control. I struggle to feel accepted. I have identified myself with some criticisms that have been thrown at me. I have imagined a whole ton more criticisms that I believe those around me must surely be thinking. Sometimes I don't like to read my Bible or pray. Sometimes I'm lazy. Sometimes I choose the easy way out in parenting. So often I choose myself over my husband. It's a long, long list. And a very pathetic one. Are you still with me? Can you identify with any of these? We all have lists like this - your list probably looks different than mine, but they have one thing in common. We believe them. We have bought into the lie that our failures paint our identity. A couple weeks ago a group of friends and I got a little giggle when a 4 year old little boy was crying because his sister told him he had to be the bad guy in their game, and he didn't want to. But he thought he had to be what she told him he was. After we laughed a little, a very wise friend said "Isn't that just like us though? Somebody puts a label on us and we immediately self-identify with it, and cry because we don't want that to be us." So true. But here's some more truth: I am redeemed. I am sanctified. I am perfect in the eyes of God because I have the identity of Christ!  God made each of us with a purpose for His glory. But we have to keep looking outward. I think one of the devil's favorite strategies must be to get us looking inward, at ourselves. It can be pride or self-loathing or something in between, but the results are the same: chaos. Can you drive a car if you spend all the time looking at yourself in the rear-view mirror, instead of at the big picture out your windshield? Just hardly! So it is on the road of life. We must keep our eyes on Jesus and not ourselves. There are definitely rough edges in our lives that need work. I need to learn self-control and selflessness. But not on my own - I need to let God work His perfect work in me, for His glory, in His way. Not try to self-improve for my own image. Because that is as futile as a fox chasing it's own tail. I will become dizzy and confused and end up going the wrong way. Ah, I needed to preach this to myself. For real. Take heart, dear friend, and ask God to let you see yourself through His eyes. <3   If you liked this post, you might also like these:
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I just needed to run into the store to grab a picture frame for Baby Sister's room. As I was taking a little time to browse through my favorite aisles I met her - my sweet friend who has been bravely following God's call and her husband's leading through some difficult twists and turns. We started chatting and our hearts connected as time flew by in a way that made me think we must've been in a time machine. She refreshed and encouraged my soul, yet I walked away with questions. Why Mommies? Why are we so critical of each other?  My dear friend and her family are seeking God. They have willingly let God take away one support post after another, replacing it with Himself, and yet they have faced criticism from those who are supposed to be their cheer leaders. It made me stop and think. I like to think that I am full of love and willing to let other people follow God however He calls them too, but deep in my heart I know: I have been one of the critical ones too. Slinging mud when I should be offering a drink of cold water and a place of quiet refuge for those navigating through the storms of life. If not with my words, then definitely in my thoughts and actions. Both are equally dangerous. My thoughts slowly poison my perception of someone. My actions, {you know, being silent when I could be encouraging or deliberately steering away from someone who is "different"} have the power to cut to the very center of some sweet Mama's heart. Someone who is doing her absolute best to be the woman God created her to be. Not the woman God created me to be. Someone who is longing for even just a little bit of encouragement and she navigates through her journey. Why do we insist on holding others up to our own standards? Why do we expect every other woman to be exactly what we cannot be? Perfect. We want our friends to have a heart, not after God, but after us. After all, if their Christianity doesn't look like ours then they must not be doing it right, right? If they tend to their children's hearts and emotions, instead of their laundry pile, then they've got it all wrong. If they like to cook fancy meals, instead of keeping the living room swept up, then they have failed. If they send their kids to school rather than homeschool, or if they homeschool rather than send their kids to school, then they are surely a selfish, self-centered Mom who does not care who their child turns out to be. It all sounds pretty malicious and petty when it's spelled out, doesn't it? Yet I think each one of us have been guilty of thinking similar things about our fellow Mommies at some time, if not now. I know I sure have! We have become fearful of each other, unwilling to bare our hearts and talk about things that really matter. We are missing out on so much soul refreshment because we have forgotten how to love. "There is no fear in love, but perfect Love casts out fear." 1John 4:18 If we would take that to heart, if we would ask God to plant His perfect love in our hearts, then maybe, just maybe, the Mommy guilt would start to disappear.  What if we would start building a new habit? What if, for the next 10 times we get to spend time with another Mommy we spread Love? Compliment your friend. Compliment her organization, the way she dresses her kids, her kind heart, her decor, something, anything! Everybody has a strong point, something that is important to them, and it's usually pretty obvious because it is the thing that they will focus on. Notice it, talk about it, give the gift of acceptance and confidence. Maybe you'll be surprised how quickly it will change your own perception about those around you and yourself. Let us quit shaming those around us and just love.   If you liked this post, you might like these:
Yesterday marked the 5th anniversary of one of my very favorite days. My handsome, charming and manly boyfriend got down on one knee, and with tears in his eyes, asked me to be his wife. I told him it would make me the happiest girl in the world. Yes! Oh goodness, am I ever glad he did and then I did. Being married to Virgil has been amazing.  5 years later, and we've changed quite a bit already. 2 kids, sickness, work, busyness and a gazillion pieces of adoption paperwork tends to leave its mark. But we're still in love and still going strong! {I know...5 years isn't really that long - but we're in it for the long haul!} We often have a hard time fitting in a regular date night. Finding a babysitter can be hard, and dates can be costly {although thoroughly worth the investment!} We have found that simply doing random little acts of love for each other means so much and never grows old. So...to celebrate 5 years, I'd like to share some of my favorite "little" things to do for my guy! 1. Keep a Journal - I started writing love letters in a journal before we were married, and gave it to Virgil on our wedding day. I still write in it from time to time and leave it somewhere that he'll be sure to see it! 2. Work together - we recently built a house and we spent a lot of time working on it together. I enjoyed it, but it definitely wasn't my favorite kind of work. Seeing how happy it made my guy was totally worth it though! 3. Mini Dates - Just because we have a hard time getting out on the town doesn't mean we can't have a date! We love our little date nights after the kids are in bed. Playing games, talking, sitting outside or {occasionally} watching a movie together can all be fun! 4. Flirty Texts - Just a sweet "I'm thinking of you" or a "special" pic - either one will make your man smile! ;)  5. Be purposeful - Purposefully choose to greet your husband at the door. I know...it can be hard! You might be in the middle of making supper or cleaning up a mess, but purposing to make it happen whenever it is at all possible shows your man that he is your #1 priority! 6. Dress for him - remember all those sexy, skimpy little pieces of lingerie you friends showered you with before your wedding? Don't let them pine away in the drawer after a couple years. Choose to wear one just one night a week. I'm pretty sure you'll be happy with the results. ;) 7. Make his favorite things - I remember being at someone's house before I was married and a friend asked if they had anything good to drink. The wife of the house said "just look in the fridge. There's a ton of different iced coffees and juice and tea in there. Drinks are Jon's love language." And my heart said "now that is marriage done right!" And years later I still think of that. So whatever kind of drinks or food happens to be your husbands favorite, make an effort to keep it on hand! 8. Kiss lots - Kissing never grows old - if you don't let it! And the more you kiss the more you like it. Take time to stop and give your husband a hug and a kiss whenever you get the chance! 9. Ask his opinion - When you ask your husband's opinion about something it tells him that you trust him and you value his thoughts. That's always a good thing. :) 10. Have fun - don't let being "old married people" define who you are. Do fun things together! Have water fights, tickle fights and food fights. Find a fun hobby to work on together. Exercise your spontaneity! So there's my favorite 10 - I'd love to hear yours now! :)  If you liked this post you might also like these:
She paused for a moment and gazed around her. A green meadow surrounded her on all sides. Though the meadow was peaceful with a small stream running gently over smooth stones she appeared to be restless.
The grass glistened and threw miniature rainbows , the evidence of a recent storm. If someone had been observing the young girl they would've seen that she had also been through the storm. Her clothes were wet and the hem of her skirt was stained with mud. Her arms and face were scratched from the branches of bushes and trees that she had struggled through in the forest. The small drops that ran down her face may have been raindrops or tears. 
She had fought the storm during the night in the forest and she had won, but from one glance it would have been obvious that it had been a hard battle and she was worn out. Now the sun shone softly down on her, drying out her clothes as a gentle breeze from the south whispered Hope through the grass. The brook sang a sweet invitation for weary travelers to come rest by its healing waters.
But the girl did not seem heed them - she appeared to not even seem to notice that the storm had passed and every bit of creation was singing of the sweet resting place that had been created especially for weary travelers by the very One she was so desperate to find. She gazed around the meadow once again, puzzled. The forest may have been dark, but she pressed on, driven by some strong sense of direction and purpose she never knew she had. Now there was nothing. It was as if she had used up every bit of direction and was left in the middle of nowhere. Had she been wrong in the forest and was now left to fend for herself? Had she just imagined that her direction had come from the One she was seeking for? Had she just imagined hearing His voice whisper to her through the storm, urging her on? Had He even been there at all? In despair she finally voiced her fears aloud, crying out in confusion - not at all sure that she would receive an answer, thinking maybe she had wondered too far from the right path. "Oh my Lord! Have You brought me out here for nothing? Was it all in vain? Was I not guided by You after all, but only following my own ideas? Was I just going my own direction?" The last reserve of strength left in her after the struggle through the storm seemed to fade with the questions and she fell to the ground. There was no longer any question whether it was rain or teardrops that ran freely down her face, making little paths through the mud speckled on her cheeks. Suddenly a strong hand grasped hers as she fell to the ground and a loving voice answered her despairing cry. "My Beloved One, I have created this resting place just for you. I have been waiting here for your all along. You were not wrong in your direction, for it was I showing you the way, even though you couldn't see Me. Weeping may last for a night, but Joy comes in the morning! Do not dwell on the experiences of the stormy night - but allow yourself to wake up and see and feel the joy and rest I have created just for you. 
Remember the lessons learned during the night and apply them to your life, but don't let them blind you from the perfect Peace I also want you to experience. This meadow is not a place of questioning but a place of rest.
"It is not my plan for you to be constantly battling. Take time to rest, to wash your bruised feet and scratched muddy face and arms, to drink deeply of the healing streams and be revived. In My presence is perfect peace and rest. You are My dearly Beloved and I will perfect my plans for you, in My time. Only trust in Me and I will once again show you the path I want you to follow. But I have planned this time for you to rest wholly in My love and learn more about My character before you move on." And the sun fully burst through the clouds and the birds sang in joyful harmony as He smiled down at her. 
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I am on a journey to know Jesus better, and be the wife, mommy and friend that God created me to be, all within the walls of my own little home. <3
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